Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
