I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
do nipples grow back?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
