She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
