Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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