So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
