I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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