It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
