who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
