That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
