At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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