We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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