i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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