Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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