I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
