New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
