I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
