yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
