OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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