i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
