i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so let's talk penis.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
