he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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