dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
