I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
