i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
