Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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