this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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