we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
