Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His hands were made for my vagina.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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