Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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