i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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