Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
