my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I would ride that face into the sunset
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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