connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
