worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
