we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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