You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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