All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
