allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize