You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
