ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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