highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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