So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
