I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
that may or may not have been my penis.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
