somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sarcasm needs its own font
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we're so committed to being not committed
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
