Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Randomize
