I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
