I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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