I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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