totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
