Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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