he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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