I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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