Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i dont even know how to be here
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
