Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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