you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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