Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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