Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
