take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
