opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
