Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
