I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
