I didn't shave. On purpose
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This baby is an asshole
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
