Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
