Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
