I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
