we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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